Can One "Live" on Charisma?

Working with d.light has given me a chance to take a peek through the keyhole into the start up world.  It's a fascinating space with quite a lot of interesting characters!  What really intrigued me though, is this idea of "serial entrepreneurs".  There are so many of them!!  Certainly quite a number of them have accomplished a lot, but I've also observed a large amount who live quite well with investor money and jump from one project to another without really achieving anything substantial.  Their supposed past "success" are often indicated by the size (revenue) of their business, but the thing is, you can have a decent size business while still making a loss (for the investor) or the revenue could be unsustainable, which, in all my past education / training, wouldn't put a business like that in the "success" category.

What is so intriguing to me is that "jumping from job to job" typically is frown upon in the corporate world because it means you are not good at any of the job or has itchy feet (i.e. unreliable)...however, being a serial entrepreneur and "jumping from venture to venture" seems to be something embraced in the start up circle.  If you jump from one job to another int he corporate world, you possibly will get stuck at a level eventually and couldn't move on.  But if you jump from one failed venture to another as an entrepreneur, you're tagged as experienced and get speaking engagements.  Such a drastic contract on how the same behavior is received in 2 different world!

One thing I did notice about serial entrepreneurs is their charisma.  They are usually extremely articulate and powerful public speakers who exude passion and confidence.  They can make a vegetarian believe that going to Fogo de Chao might be a good choice for lunch spot and give Chinese parent hope that their straight C daughter has a chance to become a doctor!

I recall from years back hearing some friends in the investor circle and organizations like Ashoka say that they place strong emphasis on the founders & a bit of a gut sometimes when they choose whom they'll invest in (especially for early stage ventures).  While there is undeniably a correlation between strong leadership and business success, I wonder if there is a risk to potentially put too much emphasis on the founders and let one's "gut" be led astray by a nice pitch?  I mean, I wonder how many investors have mistaken charisma for leadership and end up the unexpected sponsor of someone's hobby / business education for 5 year without getting any returns?  I'd be really curious to get the thoughts of those who are in this space either as an entrepreneur or an investor!! (after all, I've only seen about 1% of this world and it can hardly be representative of what's REALLY going on!)

Either way, developing good charisma seems to be a good investment of time for anyone, serial entrepreneur or not.  Here's some tips on the rules of charisma from the book ‘The Charisma Myth’:
• Be present. Give people your full attention. If your mind wanders, refocus by concentrating on physical sensations, like your breathing.
• Exude power and warmth. Adopt a powerful posture (wide stance, straight back, broad shoulders) and cultivate warmth by focusing on three things you like about the other person.
• Accept introversion. If you’re naturally shy, “warm up” before important interactions – visualise moments when you felt confident, or listen to mood-boosting music.
• Be vulnerable. There’s a fine line between charismatic and intimidating. Encourage a human connection with someone by revealing a weakness or sharing an embarrassing secret.
• It’s all in the voice. Create an air of confidence by speaking in a measured tempo and lowering your intonation at the end of sentences. Increasing the warmth in your voice is even easier: just smile.

Being "nice" vs. being "a doormat"

During my first year in Africa, I have been told on several occasions that I am more accommodating than most expats.  One example is that I don't make a fuss if a driver is 10 minutes late or have a less than pristine car.  Service is EVERYWHERE in Nairobi, and basic service is pretty decent here as far as taxi...etc. small things go!  So technically, if someone is not prompt, there are many others waiting in line to serve and take my money.  I have been told by other expats that I shouldn't tolerate that, but I guess unless I really need to get somewhere, I didn't find a reason to make a big deal, well, except to assert "I'm the client, you're the service provider" power dynamic.  For whatever reason, I just haven't felt the need to do that!  I've dealt with way more difficult/annoying situations that a lot of things just seems pretty minor and tolerable at this point.  The only time I felt the need to assert myself was when I was in India and in Turkey because people are generally more aggressive and almost intruding into my personal space.  But in Kenya, I found most people very easy-going, and the people I work with are not really "lazy"...they may be joggling multiple jobs and could get caught in the horrible traffic on the way, but the tardiness usually was the result of poor planning (re: Africa time), not malicious intention to take advantage of me....at least, this was my impression...I could be wrong...and to me, while not ideal, those are fairly acceptable excuses.  Perhaps I have set my expectation too low...am I being "too" nice or not demanding enough?   I was warned that people will take advantage of your "niceness" if you let them, but somehow I just have trouble with anything that resembles a "master-servant" relationship... 

At what point does "being nice" turn into "being a doormat" and losing respect?

My more affluent African colleagues have advised that if you are being too "nice", the boss-subordinate relationship quickly becomes blurred, and trouble will soon follow as people quickly begin to believe they are indispensable...why else would you be so nice to them?   Once that mindset begin to take place, they start to show up late and slack off (because they know you won't reprehend them in any way)...it's a bit like disciplining a child, only that it's an adult that you're dealing with and the normal Western view is to treat them as equals, and assume they know what's "right" and what's "wrong"...

I think perhaps the later assumption of Africans (especially less educated ones) have the same definition of what's "right" and what's "wrong" as the "westerners" is erroneous.  Over the course of my time here, I've observed that what's right and what's wrong is actually a fairly fluid concept.  And for the most part, what's going to give me pleasure and pride now is the right thing.  For a taxi driver, it is "right" to rush between 2 jobs even if it means that one client could be waiting for long if traffic is bad (which it almost certainly will be) because this is the way to make more money.   For an employee, it is more "right" to sit in the office twiddling his/her thumbs vs. going out in the field and make things happen, because he gets paid the same anyway, so why put unnecessary strain to oneself?  Life is too short to be wasted on uncomfortable and un-glamorous work!

So when you think you're being "nice" and making compromises, perhaps that's not how others are perceiving it?  Maybe they think that's the norm?  And why is it so important that other recognize I'm being "nice" anyway?

I've learned that being nice or not, it's important to #1: set boundaries.  People become doormats when there is no boundaries.  I am OK when someone is late if I'm going somewhere on my own, but NOT when I'm going to a business meeting.  I make that clear and create huge drama when someone is late taking me to a business meeting just so the point is made.  #2: consistency is key.  Only through a consistent message can one create habit and drive behavioral change.  This is not the most flattering comparison, but it's kind of like training a dog! (after all, we're all creatures of habit).  With that said, the only way one CAN be consistent is when one has drawn a clear mental line of boundary and be serious about it, so point #1 is still most important.  #3: create meaningful consequences.  People will only take you seriously and change their behaviors when there are consequences.  Pure yelling can only get you so far.  Understand what people care about and what they cannot stand to lose is key to put in place a meaningful and effective consequence to drive the desired behavior.  I haven't done so well in #3, it's something that takes time & energy to figure out, and usually at the heat of the moment, figuring out what motivates someone isn't my number one priority, expressing my anger is.  But perhaps with better discipline and self-control, I can be more effective in this area!