Today, I came to the stark realization that I probably won’t be able to stay in Africa and work on a long-term basis because it's too stressful. I care too much to not let it be personal. And while sometimes I long for a nice, easy lifestyle, I will never let myself live the type of luxurious lifestyle one would observe from many UN/foreign service officers. I am inherently too much against inequity and entitlement that I will never be able to feel comfortable earning the type of salary by basically sustaining a bureaucracy without accomplishing much impact.
Why the sudden realization? I realized today that I’ve been letting my inner Tiger Mom creep out…I didn’t even know it’s there! I’ve been very critical of our business partner and basically have shown my dissatisfaction with their sub-optimal standard almost daily as I strive to make them better. Despite of my best intention, my effort is being met with mixed results. On one hand, I feel that increasing the pressure and basically begin “demanding” certain things to happen in a prescriptive way is working. At least at a mechanical level, I get the information I need on time, and we get to start at a level that’s closer to the standard I need it to be vs. negotiating from a ridiculously low level and feeling like there’s no point. Conclusion here…they ARE capable of delivering, as long as you lay out Step 1, 2, 3 and be very clear with the consequence if they do not follow your instruction specifically. Sometimes, even when you lay out the path in front of them, they still need a little push to move forward, then a little more push to move forward more. While tiring, at least there's some sort of solution. So that’s the good news…
The not-so-good news is that I’m realizing that I’m always criticizing and always pointing out problems. In business, I’ve always made decision based on what’s “right” vs. what’s “popular”. However, I can understand, even when someone agrees with you that you’re right, it can be frustrating and de-motivating when you’re always proven “wrong”… I get super excited when I see progress from people and do praise excessively to let them know that they’re doing a good job and they should keep it up; however, when there are always more problems than successes, it’s hard to find something to celebrate without being disingenuous.
This is when I have this mental image of me being the Tiger Mom and the kids are revolting, basically screaming “I don’t care if I’m wrong, it’s not fair that you always yell at me, I can never be good enough for you!”. I suppose the reason for the criticisms is that we have hope that they can do better. If we don’t, we would have just walked away. However, if you’re in the situation and are on the receiving end of the criticism, then it may not feel so positive.
I’m feeling like my patience is running out. My fuse gets shorter and shorter on a daily basis, and I sometimes cannot have a nice response when it feels like a kid asking you for the 100th time if he can eat candy before dinner, despite of you telling them NO 100 times and explaining the rationale. Saying that no for the 101st time, just seem like an useless effort.
Perhaps I just need to recharge somewhere...work with competent people and get things done, then come back to deal with the more challenging ones...
Why the sudden realization? I realized today that I’ve been letting my inner Tiger Mom creep out…I didn’t even know it’s there! I’ve been very critical of our business partner and basically have shown my dissatisfaction with their sub-optimal standard almost daily as I strive to make them better. Despite of my best intention, my effort is being met with mixed results. On one hand, I feel that increasing the pressure and basically begin “demanding” certain things to happen in a prescriptive way is working. At least at a mechanical level, I get the information I need on time, and we get to start at a level that’s closer to the standard I need it to be vs. negotiating from a ridiculously low level and feeling like there’s no point. Conclusion here…they ARE capable of delivering, as long as you lay out Step 1, 2, 3 and be very clear with the consequence if they do not follow your instruction specifically. Sometimes, even when you lay out the path in front of them, they still need a little push to move forward, then a little more push to move forward more. While tiring, at least there's some sort of solution. So that’s the good news…
The not-so-good news is that I’m realizing that I’m always criticizing and always pointing out problems. In business, I’ve always made decision based on what’s “right” vs. what’s “popular”. However, I can understand, even when someone agrees with you that you’re right, it can be frustrating and de-motivating when you’re always proven “wrong”… I get super excited when I see progress from people and do praise excessively to let them know that they’re doing a good job and they should keep it up; however, when there are always more problems than successes, it’s hard to find something to celebrate without being disingenuous.
This is when I have this mental image of me being the Tiger Mom and the kids are revolting, basically screaming “I don’t care if I’m wrong, it’s not fair that you always yell at me, I can never be good enough for you!”. I suppose the reason for the criticisms is that we have hope that they can do better. If we don’t, we would have just walked away. However, if you’re in the situation and are on the receiving end of the criticism, then it may not feel so positive.
I’m feeling like my patience is running out. My fuse gets shorter and shorter on a daily basis, and I sometimes cannot have a nice response when it feels like a kid asking you for the 100th time if he can eat candy before dinner, despite of you telling them NO 100 times and explaining the rationale. Saying that no for the 101st time, just seem like an useless effort.
Perhaps I just need to recharge somewhere...work with competent people and get things done, then come back to deal with the more challenging ones...
Hang in there Arlin. You are making a difference!
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Hang in there Arlin. You are making a difference!
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Arlin, if you feel you need to recharge maybe you do. Step away. Observe from a far. Then, if you feel the trade-offs make sense, go charging back in. But if you do stay, hang in there. There is always resistance to doing the right thing by those who choose the easier path. Even if it is not popular, demanding a higher standard than others are used to will (ultimately) leave those forced to 'up' their game, with a better skill set. 頑張るぞ!
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