Do you have something for me?

"Do you have something for me?" is a phrase that I'm slowly getting used in Nigeria.  For my most recently trip, it feels as though I hear it as often as "how was your night" and "good morning, ma'am".

Upon arrival, I was stopped by the custom, he asks me what do I do, I said, "I'm trying to bring solar lantern to Nigerians", he said "Do you have a light for me?" I  politely explain "I don't bring product with me, we have product at XYZ shops in Lagos if you are interested in buying"...He then said, "OK, that's OK, I want to do business with you and make money", so I explain that I will take his contact and have someone call him.  Our entire conversation had probably 5% relevance to his day job as a custom officer, and 95% relevance to how he can get something out of this interaction.

Then comes the health inspector, wanting to check my yellow fever card, I show him my card, everything is set, he gave it back to me, and said "Do you have something for me?"... "No, I don't"... "OK, carry on"...this was easier than I thought it would be.

Then a couple days later, I hired a taxi to take me to a business meeting.  On the way back, during the 30-minute car ride, he asked me "Will you buy a car for me?" "No"... "Will you take me to America with me?" "no, and you shouldn't be asking me that because you have a wife and 5 kids" ... "Will you get my son a job?" "why?" "he needs a job" "what does he do?" "he can do anything" "that's very vague, no, I can't get your son a job"... Unrelenting, as we get closer to my hotel, he asked " can you ask the hotel kitchen to make something for me to takeaway" "why? doesn't your wife cook for you?" "yes, but i'm not going home, i'm going to keep working" "well, then eat when u are home" "but I'm hungry now" "then you can walk into the hotel and eat there yourself" "but I don't have money" "I don't, either, I will not pay for your dinner"..."OK, have a good night"...no hard feelings.

As I exit Lagos at the airport, the immigration officer amuses themselves over my last name and the fact that I'm Chinese looking, but holds an American passport.  This happens EVERY time I go to Nigeria, so I play alone the typical script, joking with them respectfully.  Then the lady immigration officer asked "Do you have something for me?" "for what?" "for something to drink" "oh, no, I finished all my Naira since I'm leaving, maybe next time" "OK"...she stamps my passport and wished me a good trip back to Kenya.

What amazes me is (1) how commonplace and "normal" asking people (locals & expats) for "something" is in Nigeria, and (2) how well people take "no" for an answer!  With the upbringing of an Asian family, rejecting someone's request is always something that makes me feel very uncomfortable.  Well, first of all, Asians rarely ask people for anything as it is a sign of weakness/failure. (as in contrast with Africa, which thanks to the work of aid organizations and the missionaries, has turned into this big "asking" culture)  Secondly, if you don't want to do something for someone when asked, you usually hesitate and the other person will get the idea and back out.  However, that kind of subtlety just doesn't work in Nigeria, and I've learned to be pretty straightforward so nothing is left to the imagination.  No means no! For the most part, people just leave you alone after you said no and there's no uneasy feeling.

So tip for next time you're asked for a little "something" in Nigeria, after much research, the best response apparently is not to agree, and not to say no, but simply smile and say "I can't now, maybe next time..." and of course, there will always be a "next time" :-) and if you are feeling brave, you can ask, "do you have something for me to bring back home?" and see how they respond.