Where's Home and What are You?

If you find this question difficult to answer, you may be a TCK (Third Culture Kid) or CCK (Cross Culture Kid).

I recently saw a video about TCK, and it became a language which expressed a lot of how I often feel as an individual.  I thought I should share this with those who have grown up in a multicultural environment (or is raising children in such environment) in case you may find some of these learning relevant and interesting as well.

So Where's Home? A Film About Third Culture Kid Identity

Here are some excerpts from Dr. Ruth E. Van Reken's book: Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds

TCKs are blessed with quite a few gifts:
1. Highly mobile and independent

2. Easily adaptable and keenly aware of his/her surrounding
3. Speak multiple language and ability to think "outside the box"
All of these traits can contribute greatly to TCK's success as an adult.

However, frequently uprooting oneself and resettling elsewhere also created some challenges for TCKs, as they often have:

1. Feeling of isolation or guardedness in forming close relationships: "for many TCKs, the pain of losing so many relationships in their lives results in a certain guardedness in future relationships. Consciously we long for the very intimacy we unconsciously run away from for fear of one more loss.  Positive independence can become isolation where we refuse to need others, likely for fear of losing them anyway in the end."

2. ”Itchy feet”…the rootless and restless syndrome. “There” is always better than “here”, also allows us to "run away" from forming close relationships

3. May not deal well with conflicts. It is always been easier to “outwait” them, knowing another move is soon coming, then to deal productively with them.

Sounds familiar?  Don't worry, there's a solution.  Van Reken (a TCK herself) discuss at length the important need for TCKs to have a process to deal with "grief", apparently this is the cause for a lot of the challenges mentioned above.  According to Van Reken, "each time we transition to a different environment, we experience a sense of loss because we (or the others) are leaving, even though the transition also involves the gain of what we will encounter on the other side. The main issue, however, isn’t the loss. That is part of life. But often our losses have not been validated (as the loss coming from a relative’s death might be validated) or we had no way that we knew of to deal with these losses as they happened. For that reason, the effects of them accrue. We can anesthetize ourselves to the conscious pain for quite awhile using the various responses we do but eventually they catch up with us. Meanwhile, our very reactions to try to avoid feeling this pain have often resulted in our pushing others away and we only increase our ultimate pain."  This is why, it's important to deal with those "losses" even if it has been a long time since.

For me, the biggest takeaway is that there are always two sides to a coin.  Having the opportunity to be exposed to different culture and developing a broader world view is definitely a blessing in my opinion; however, in exchange, we have to accept the certain "side effects" from the constant movement that allowed us to see the world.  As long as we recognize it, understand its root, and learn to accept / deal with it, we can live our lives to the fullest and get the best of both worlds!

32 Lessons...from Colipera

Re-posted from Colipera, a site that is a source of inspiration for me!

1. Be More Proud. Be More Accountable

Far too often we ride the middle chunk of the accountability bell curve. We are embarrassed when any bit of praise comes our way or we don’t know how to share our successes with those around us. Additionally, we never take full responsibility for our mistakes or errors. We tend to blame other people first or we remain in the safety of numbers by making sure that if we are going to be part of a mistake, we won’t be the only one under the spotlight.

We should be more proud of the things we accomplish and more responsible for the things we messed up on. Live on the outsides of the bell curve of accountability. The middle ground is where fake smiles, finger pointing, fear and judgement sit.

Get out of there. Run for the edges. Be accountable for you.

2. Your Inbox Is Not Your To-do List

Learning this fact changed my life. There is always something else to do. There is always another email to answer. There is always someone who wants something. But if you make someone else’s to do list (the email they sent to you) your to-do list, you’ll never get anywhere and you’ll never feel like you accomplished anything.

3. Autonomy Has To Be Balanced With Input; Together. Be Better

Sometimes you can’t get anything done until you buckle down, turn off your phone and go one-on-one with whatever it is you have to do. The danger in that is becoming too solitary, too autonomous, where you live in your own head, drowning in your own positive illusions. Be diligent with the things you want to do, but create time and space for interaction and input from those around you.That’s where breakthroughs happen. We are who we surround ourselves with.

4. There Are Better Stories In Failing

Your life would be a boring story if everything you did worked out just as you had planned. When you fail at something, you learn. We tend to work hardest and feel most happy when we are working on something that is just out of our reach. Just out of our reach means that in simply getting there, we are trying things that might not work. That is where the fun lies. A muscle can’t increase in size unless the muscle fibers tear via hard work. Growing is to tearing as learning is to failing.

Your story is forged through the canyons of choices that didn’t go the way you wanted them to. That’s why we want to hear you speak. That’s why we want to read your book. That’s what makes you human. That’s what makes you like everyone else. That’s what inspires us.

5. “Should” Is The Worst Word In The English Language

Get the word “should” out of your vocabulary. All there is in life is did or didn’t. That’s it. “Should” is a half commitment. It’s a cheeseburger with no cheese. It’s untied shoes. It’s a flat tire on a perfectly able bike. It’s potential wasted. It’s your quick fix to feel good about yourself because you are admitting what the right thing to do is. Just because you know what the right thing to do is, doesn’t mean you get to bask in the feeling of having done it. You should never say “should” again. Either do or don’t.

6. No One Cares More About Your Goals Than You Do

I used to think that people (friends, family, girls, whomever) would spend the same amount of time thinking about me, my life and what I was struggling with or working on as much as I was. New Flash: They don’t care. They are fighting their own fight. They are too tangled with their own journey to be able spend a second to think about mine. Stop wondering what everyone is thinking and instead, get after what ever it is you want to get after. You’ll get support when you’ve earned it.

7. Being Alive Is The Most Amazing Thing That Can Ever Be

Seriously. If you’re struggling with something one day, just take it all the way back to the fact that you’re inhaling and exhaling. You’re here now. Your chance still exists. It didn’t for billions of years before you and it won’t exist billions of year after you. But it exists now, in this flicker of chance. Let that be your limitless source of renewable energy. If you’re only focused on getting to some destination, you’ll miss the entire journey.

8. Never Apologize For Being Passionate

I used to feel a little guilty for saying the things I wanted, for having the dreams I had or for having to follow up with someone. I would sit there and say, “Ahhh, that person probably doesn’t like my email/phone call. I guess I shouldn’t follow up with them.”Bullshit. Follow up. (See #6. That person isn’t thinking about you.) No one ever said, “Gosh, this person is too passionate about this thing. I don’t want to talk with him.” Respect others, but do you, and don’t apologize for it.

9. Companies Will Choose Themselves Over You

According to the IRS, corporations are like human beings. So we can’t be surprised when a company’s self-preservation mode kicks in and they do what they think is best to protect their existence. That might mean getting rid of you without so much as a one-day notice. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t work hard for the company you work for, but always understand that they don’t need you for them to survive. Therefore, make sure you have it in your mind that you don’t need them for you to survive either.

10. Travel; Going Outside Your Comfort Zone Is What Expands Your Character

Nothing has influenced me more than getting out of my bubble. I realize I am extremely fortunate for being able to travel and see the world, but if the chance is yours to be had, take it. Seeing how other cultures live, seeing that there are worlds far different from yours, seeing that your way isn’t the only way teaches you empathy, understanding, and varying points of view. Traveling teaches you that you are but one blade of grass in an endless meadow: oh so unique, yet oh so alike.

11. A Smile Can Change Everything

As my mother once told me, “You never know when your smile might save someone’s life.” A genuine smile is always accepted. It’s contagious. It’s the acknowledgement that in that moment between you and another person, “I see you. I recognize you. I want to extend friendliness and joy to you, directly to you.” In that ever so brief of moment of a shared smile, you wholly matter. I see you, and what the heck…I hope this smile finds you well.

12. You Can’t Rush Experience

How-to books, top 10 lists, and the sort are all the craze. We’re trying to warp worlds, we’re looking for alternate routes, we’re trying to get over to the HOV lane of life. Of course there are ways to work smarter, but in the end, experience comes from actually doing something, tinkering for a certain period of time. It takes baby steps. “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger” is completely absurd. If you knew then what you know now, no one would hang out with you because you wouldn’t be making any sense whatsoever. What you know now you got through experience. Feet have callouses, life has experience. It can’t be any other way. Enjoy not knowing things. Enjoy questioning. Enjoy the process of learning and discovering.

13. Comparisons Will Kill You; Define Your Own Success

Someone will always be faster, richer, younger, prettier or more talented than you. There was a wonder statement I heard recently:“The reason we struggle with self-confidence is that we compare everyone’s highlight reel with our behind the scenes.” Stop worrying about what you don’t have and instead, magnify and utilize the things you do have.

In the same vein, be sure to clarify to yourself what success would look like to you in any endeavor. Don’t let someone else’s expectations be the be the rung of the ladder that you are climbing to. If so, you might miss attainable contentment and fulfillment on your climb to prove something to someone.

14. Prepare More, Plan Less

We try so hard to control the exact results of things we haven’t done or experienced yet that we are so hard on ourselves when they don’t turn out exactly as we imagined they would. Instead, go in a relative direction and create short term goals/checkpoints that you can more or less manage. The rest is wholly and unequivocally out of your control, both in a beautiful and sometimes cruel way.  You won’t see every door along your path of life, so sometimes you just have to walk through the door and then tangential opportunities will present themselves. Hinging your happiness on a make believe point beyond the horizon is a dangerous game to play. Instead, focus on the nearest landmark. For me, I have 3 things I need to do a day. The rest is the rest.

15. Money Alone, Will Never Satisfy You

Understand that there is no amount of money that you can ever make where you will say, “Ok, now I’m happy.” Money comes and money goes. The question is, is the person experiencing these ebbs and flows happy with the person he is becoming? If money is your sole compass, then it will act like Homer’s Sirens, luring you into rocky waters.

16. Write Things Down

There are still times when I tell myself, “I’ll never forget this!” Then two minutes later I have no idea what I wasn’t going to forget. I don’t know how many business ideas or tasks that didn’t get completed when they should have because I was too proud to write things down. You will forget. Don’t waste mental energy remembering things you want to get done. Write it down and let your brain then focus on things that need its energy the most.

17. Exercise Or Die

I talked about this in detail in: A Letter From Your Life but, treat your body right. Get your heart pumping. It is the easiest way to keep yourself balanced mentally and physically. Oh and, don’t skip meals. There’s nothing noble about being so busy that you forgot to eat. In fact, I’m sure your body hates it when you do that.

18. You’ll Lose Friends Along The Way

Try as you may, but holding on to the idea that your friend from grade school will be your best friend for life, might not be the most productive thing you ever do. Understand that people change, circumstances change and friends will come and go. Always be a friend but don’t spend your life trying to stay friends with someone just to say you did. Everything has a natural cycle.

19. Dream But Don’t Daydream

While daydreams are important when it comes to creativity, you can’t daydream thought into action. Have hopes and dreams but understand that to realize those dreams, something in reality will have to be undertaken. There are 24 hours in a day. You need to eat and you need to sleep. The rest of that time is on you. Today is the youngest you will be for the rest of your life. Let’s do this.

20. Be Thankful, Don’t Feel Guilty

Why do I live in a 1st World country? Why do I get the chances to live an easier life? Why do I get clean water and the freedom to do as I wish? Don’t waste your time wondering why you have these random gifts, be thankful that you have them and try to live a life befitting of the gift. There is no time to feel guilty for it, only time to do something with it.

21. 80% Contentment

Things aren’t going to be perfect in life. You aren’t going to live in the best neighborhood, with the best friends, having the best job, with the best social life, and the best relationship at every turn. When I was younger, I thought I had to be 100% content to be fulfilled. I’ve slowly learned that 80% contentment, 4-out-of-5, is pretty damn good and that’s a more realistic level to shoot for. Just because something isn’t perfect in your life, doesn’t mean you can’t be thoroughly happy. Perfection is exhausting. Be careful chasing the unblemished life.

22. We All Want To Matter

One way or another, we want to matter to someone other than ourselves. When you’re younger you want to be like the people who have the biggest effect on the most people. As you get older you realize that there are people all around you, your spheres of influence, whom you can have a significant effect on. Focus on your spheres, no matter how small. Make them better. Your spheres will grow but what matters is not how many people you can influence but the quality of the influence you give.

23. There’s Time If You Want There To Be Time

You do have time. You have so much of it. You just have to be aware of how your minutes get used up on a daily basis. You want to get something done? How bad? Bad enough to not watch TV, surf the internet, go to Happy Hour? That choice is on you. Shrink the change by setting alarms, creating mini goals and living intentionally otherwise the hamster wheel will be your transportation du jour, every “jour”.

24. If You’re Not Scared, You’re Not Doing It Right

We can’t really progress unless we are pushing against the walls on the outer edges of our comfort zone. If we only did the things we already knew, we’d never get anywhere. Fear, apprehension and sweaty palms mean that you are probably about to learn something that you’ll never forget. Smile, and say hello to wisdom.

25. Someone’s Title Doesn’t Mean That They’re Smarter Than You

Just because someone has a prestigious title doesn’t mean that their opinion is worth more than yours on everything. Sure, some very worthy people have titles that they deserve, but there are plenty of people who have titles for political reasons or for reasons I still can’t seem to figure out. Don’t let someone’s title intimidate you just because of the title. They breathe just like you and I do.

26. Write Better E-mails

Learn how to write better emails and your life will change. Email is the communication tool of this day and age. Always remember that there is another human being on the other end of that “Send” button. Use her name. Say hello. Acknowledge that they are more than an electronic tool to answer your questions.

27. Things Don’t Happen For A Reason

In regards to your life, random things occur outside of them needing to have a reason. Things just happen. The question is, what are you going to after these things happen? That’s where you create reason and purpose. Saying “things happen for a reason” takes away accountability on your part of what led up to that event (didn’t get a job offer) or the accountability for your reaction to an event completely out of your control (a meteor hits your house). Find meaning in the actions you choose, not in the situations that life presents you with.

28. Your First Draft Is Never Very Good; He Who Iterates, Wins

First drafts are absurdly bad. Scripts aren’t written, they’re rewritten. If writing or creating, just get to a finish line, any finish line, no matter how decrepit, haggard, or in what direction it may be. You can go back and edit later. That book, article or TED talk you are enamored with didn’t look like that at its first go ‘round. Trust me.

29. When In Doubt, Ask

If you don’t know the answer to something and you can’t find it, ask someone. If you wonder what someone thinks or if you want to grab a coffee with someone, ask. It’s literally that simple. Don’t expect them to reach out to you just because you want them to. If the answer is no, then you find yourself in the exact same position as before you posed the question. Asking is a positive sum game.

30. Be Relatable

Degrees, skills, certifications, accolades and ability are obviously important in earning a living but I can tell you that from my own crazy path that understanding people, being present and empathetic has allowed me to connect, bond and relate in situations where I’ve been the outsider. Life is a shared existence. If people like being around you, they’ll want to have you around them more often. This goes for friends, lovers and employers.

31. Always Be Reading

Always be reading a book, even if you’re only reading 5-10 minutes a day. 10 minutes a day is an hour and ten minutes a week. At 300 words per minute, you’re reading 20,000 words a week. The average book is 70,000-150,000 words so you can read a book in 3-7 weeks by reading 10 minutes a day. Try to average a book a month. It will change your life.

    32. Be Brave

Be brave. The world needs to you to be.

Amazing adventures of a nobody

Amazing Adventures of a Nobody

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it - Goethe

Leon Logothetis was running a business in the UK.  He was jaded, burnt out, and felt out of touch with others.  So he made a bold decision; he left his job, and decided to travel from New York City to Hollywood on $5 a day.  He forced himself to connect with people, and was able to make this amazing journey relying on the kindness of strangers.

I recently read his book about this life-changing experience.  While I will never have Leon's bravado to embark on a similar adventure, the thrill from a sense of "danger and generosity intertwined" was something I could relate to from my own travels.  I think the "danger" often time originate from a combination of the reality (e.g. political instability, poverty, being the obvious foreign tourist target...etc.) as well as our own biased perception of our travel destination tainted by horror stories or what we see on the news (e.g. Africa being the dark continent with poor people everywhere, corrupt immigration officers...etc.).  In a way, the danger in traveling to foreign, particularly developing countries, is quite real, but I think many time it's blown out of proportion by our own ignorance and tainted view from subjective descriptions of the places.  I think this is what makes the "generosity" feel that much more endearing when we experience it.  It hits us at the most unexpected moments, and as a result, make the deepest mark on our hearts.

I also found a few other things Leon mentioned in the book quite thought provoking on a personal level: 

[why we travel]

• Hypothesis 1: "the reason we like travelling so much is because it places us in a position of control we don’t often find for ourselves in our daily lives.  When we are home in our routine, we go where we’re told, or where we must, on someone else’s time, at someone else’s pace – to work, to school, to the shop…but when we travel, we go where we wish"
• Hypothesis 2: perhaps we "travel to run away from the only ones who could hurt [us]. Traveling was a way to be safe and alone." I think there could be a grain of truth to this observation.  I find some chronic travelers, particularly those after their mid-30's, almost are in this endless search of something else.  They are constantly moving from one destination to another, which means a lot of short, enjoyable relationships with locals and fellow travelers, but very few of those relationships have staying power.  While I would agree that those relationship could be meaningful connection, the level of commitment from these relationship cannot be compared to someone from your home country, who's known you for several years, and will pick up your call late at night to hear you vent about something.  Sometimes I wonder if some of us constant travelers are searching for something or are actually running away from something, someone, or some situation?

[how we travel]

• De-emphasize the destination: "The destination is the obstacle; it draws such attention from us that we aren’t allowed to think about what happens in the middle, between here and there." I definitely find this more and more true as I travel more and get older.  While the "sites" are still very interesting, I noticed that the little incidents and various experiences en route to the sites are often what I remember most fondly upon after I return.  After all, I can always download a photo of the rice terraces in Sapa, Vietnam, but the people I met on the train ride there was what made the trip most special and cannot be replaced!
• Mode of transportation: "Efficiency is the enemy of connection.  We have connected less and less; talked less and less…Now, the journeys are just about speed – getting someplace as fast as possible."   Consider slower mode of transportation, it helps allows us to connect with others and enjoy our surrounding more.  

Amazing Adventures of a Nobody is a quick, easy read, and probably would resonate with many young professionals who feel disenchanted and wants more.  I think one may not need to do what Leon did to find happiness.  Traveling might not even be the right approach to get there.  However, I think the element of human connection and boldness to go after one's dream are key component to life's content. 

A history of the world in 100 objects, featuring d.light!

d.light was featured in the British Museum as the "100th object" in the history of the world! Now there's a book out: A History of the World in 100 Objects

• Here's the link to all 100 of them
• PBS Newshour Coverage: http://video.pbs.org/video/2165382793
• Watch the multi-episode BBC program talking about the 100 objects

So proud :)

Great Book for All MBAs and Business People

I read More Than Money: Questions Every MBA Needs to Answer written by Mark Albion, a former HBS professor, right before I left the US, and thought that did a good job capturing some of the issues with a "business" education, particularly with measuring success with money and public recognition.  He argues that if we "put “contribution” – crucial to a meaningful life – on an equal footing with money, what we perceive as our safest career choices may actually be our riskiest, and vice versa”

Here is the cliff notes version of his book with a list of advice and questions to ask ourselves that I thought to share with everyone:

1.    Don’t get really good at what you don’t want to do

·         What did you want to do before the world “should” on you?

·         What did you love to do when you were around 11 or 12?

·         Who are your heroes, why do I admire them?

·         Do you dislike what you do? If so, why do you do it?

·         Outside your family, what do you do that gives you joy?

2.    Listen to the little voice: the word "vocation" derives from Latin vocare, which means “to call” – your calling, so listen to your authentic self, not the voice of judgement from others, if you are driven to prove your worthiness to others, you’ve handed over your life to the voice of judgement. Find your voice by following the love/passion and serving people, take a deep breath and trust in people who care about you, they will help you dig deeper and be true to the voice. Take risks and let go of control at times.  Listening to your inner voice requires you to go outside yourself and be aware of what’s happening around you. 

·         When do you feel authentic?

·         Who are your voices of judgment?

·         What do they say and how do you deal with them?

3.       Broaden your vision in life with perspective and understanding: some ways to do this are: 

       (a)  When you have to make a decision, call your bright friends to get their take….”perspective is worth 100 IQ points” 

       (b) Deepen your understanding of who you are through a range of relationships so you don’t risk limiting your potential.  Consider this, who we re is very much in relation to others, to a set of values and expectations we call “culture".  Philosopher Charles Handy said “True individuality is necessarily social”.  Labels like “I’m an engineer at Microsoft” are narrow visions of what defines us; however, it does not encompass the breadth of our life or our possibilities and potential.

       (c) Travel the world and talk to grandmas.  

·         How would you define yourself as broadly as possible?

·         When people ask you who you are, what do you say? Consider different variations depending on the situation and who is doing the asking

·         Think about who you are as defined by four different people in your life.  What do those definitions have in common?

·         Without your current job or family, who are you?  Think as broadly as possible about your definition

4.       Know how you measure success:  Warren Buffett said "Success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you have". So work to achieve a big HAVE or live to have a small WANT.  Consider the following 4 metrics when it comes to measuring success: (a) service to the community (b) service to the dollar (c) service to the family (d) service to the soul or self.  How do you score?  How do you prioritize them? Is it balanced?

·         How do you define being a “good” person? What does the “good life” mean to you?

·         How do or did your parents measure success? How have their measures and those of business school and your peers affected your notion of “success?”

5.       Money doesn’t talk, it swears: when you set a goal related to something, like money,  your price is that your attempt to reach your goal will influence who you are

·         How much is enough?  How much money do you need each year to have a decent standard of living? How much to retire? What is the impact of those numbers on your options of what you can do?

·         What are you willing to give up to make more money?

·         What do you see as the biggest risk in your relationship with money?

6.       Don’t treasure your trash and trash your treasures: B-school teach the mantra of growth and promotion, but sometimes shrinking/de-promotion may be a better plan

·         How would you handle a values conflict with your employer?  What personal values are inviolate?

·         How might you shrink the demands of your career yet have more impact?

7.       Turn your value into Value: it's your will more than your skill

·         Take a look back at your career to date. What constants do you see among your various jobs?

·         What do you see as your biggest strengths?  How do they support your passion and future successes?

·         How can you turn your values into Value? How do your values make you more valuable to your company?

·         To focus your energies, what things should you be clear to not do?

8.       Keep your walking costs low: we make changes when the pain of no change > fear of change.  There are 3 types of walking costs: economics risk (i.e. financial concerns), performance risk (i.e. resume concerns), psychosocial risk (i.e. identify concerns)

             ·         What fears are keeping you from pursuing your hopes?

             ·         What can you do to reduce your perceived riskt?

9.       Don’t live a deferred life plan

·         To make changes in your career, how do you feel about small changes vs. dramatic leaps?  What factors would affect how dramatic a change you might make?

10.    Look not at the masses but at the one: MBAs get caught up in numbers, it’s all about doing something “big”; don’t fall into that trap, instead, focus on “small deeds with great love”

·       Reflect on your daily conversations, primarily at work.  What values and life perspectives do they reflect

·         How do you think about and measure your impact?

·         What obstacles do you have to overcome to have your desired impact?

·         What “small” deeds can you do to increase someone’s feelings of appreciation and contribution? Consider one specific person as an example

11.   Surround yourself with a community of love: in Xhosa language, Úbuntu ngumntu ngabanye abantu” which means “a person can only be a person through other persons”, feeling connected to others and to a community is an essential need 

·         What would your ideal work community look like?

·         Are you a “responsible” member of your work community?  How could you improve?

12.  Plant trees under whose shade you’ll never sit: you’ll be remembered more for who you are than for what you did, more for the size of your heart than the size of your wallet, more for how much you gave away than for how much you made.  You’ll be remembered as much for your kindness as for your wisdom

             ·         How can you best balance your short-term needs with your long-term goals?

Another Post on Ben Okri

Writers are Listeners – Storymoja Hay Fest 2011

Posted: 19 Sep 2011 02:22 AM PDT
Written by Clifton Gachagua

Ben Okri reading one of his poems at the British Council tent, Storymoja Hay festival 2011. To the far left is panelist Daniel Waweru and to the near right is panelist Milton Obote. The session was at the British Council tent. An enthusiastic crowd had gathered, filling the tent to capacity.

Ben Okri started off by saying it was a pleasure to be in Kenya. This was his first visit. He felt in retrospect that he should have left his home country Nigeria in his 20s and visited the whole of Africa with only a notebook and some biros. He termed the Storymoja Hay festival as one of the most important festivals in Africa with stimulates literature, the sharing of ideas and the meeting of minds and spirits.

He started off by reading My Mother Sleeps. Then he read The Difficulty of Seeing. While explaining the latter poem, he said that one of his biggest interests was the paradox of seeing. That seeing is not just opening one’s eyes. The he read The Rhino. A poem made of four lines.

At one time, school children in UK had approached him to propose to them a list of ten great books they should read before they finished school. Like most of the other writers who had been approached to do the same, he found difficulty in listing only ten books, so he came up with what he calls Ten and a Half Inclinations published in his book, A Time for New Dreams.

1. Read the books your parents hate
2. Read the books your parents love
3. Have one or two authors that speak to you and make their work your secret passion
4. Read widely for fun, for stimulation, for escape
5. Don’t read what everyone else is reading, check them out later, cautiously
6. Read the books you are not supposed to read
7. Read for your own liberation and mental freedom
8. Books are like mirrors, don’t just read the words, go into the mirror, that’s where the real secrets are, inside, behind. That’s where the gods dream, where our realities are born.
10.5 Read the world. Read the world. It is the most mysterious book of all.

On being asked if he classified himself as an African writer, Okri’s reply was “It is a huge debate. A writer is a huge responsive being of undercurrents and overcurrents, of dreams, futures and histories. Writers are listeners. They don’t even know what they are listening to. Their ears are like the roots of a tree, that grow downwards, upwards and sideways. Writers are writers. Writers should write with no boundaries. There is no this is what you are supposed to write about.”  He mentioned that the danger of him classifying himself as an African writer would be than he could further be inclined to say that he is a Nigerian writer, then further that he is a Lagos writer, and then further that he is a writer from the specific street he grew up in.

Another set of aphorisms; hearing the African rhythm.

- Heart shaped Africa is the feeling centre of the world
- Continents are metaphors
- A people are spiritual states of humanity as distinguishable in what they represent as roses, lions and stars.
- Have we forgotten what Africa is?
- Africa is our dreamland, our spiritual homeland
- There is a realm inside everyone that is Africa. We all have an Africa within.
- When the Africa outside is sick with troubles, the Africa inside us makes us sick with neurosis.
- The sheer quantity of inexplicable psychic illness in the world is possibly  indirectly connected to the troubles in Africa.
- We have to heal the Africa in us if we are going to be whole again.
- We have to heal the Africa outside us if the human race is going to be at peace again in a new dynamic way
- There is a relationship between the troubles in a people and the troubles in the atmosphere of the world.
- The troubles of Africa contribute immensely to the sheer weight and size of world suffering.
- And this world suffering affects everyone on the planet, affects children and their health, affects our sleep, our anxiety and our unknown suffering.
- For it is possible to suffer without knowing it.
- We have to heal the Africa within. We have to rediscover the true Africa. The Africa of laughter, of joy, of improvisation, of originality, the Africa of myths and legends, storytelling, playfulness, the Africa of generosity, of hospitality, of compassion, the Africa of wisdom, aesthitism and divination, the Africa of paradox, proverbs, and surprise; the Africa of magic, faith, patience and endurance; the Africa of a fourth dimensional attitude to time; the Africa of a profound knowledge of nature’s ways and the secret cycles of destiny.
- We have to rediscover Africa. The first encounter of Africa by Europe was the wrong one. It was not an encounter, it was an appropriation, what they saw and bequithed to the future ages was in fact a misperception. They did not see Africa. This wrong seeing of Africa is part of the problems of today. Africa was seen through greed and what could be got from her. This justified all kinds of injustice.
- What you see is what you make. What you see in people is what you eventually create in them.
- It is now time for a new seeing, it is now time to flare the darkness on the eyes of the world.
- The world should now begin to see the light in Africa, its possibilities, its beauties, its jeers
- If we see it, it will be revealed. We always see what we are prepared to see. Only what we see anew is revealed to us.
- Africa has been waiting for centuries to be discovered with the eyes of love, with the eyes of a lover.
- There is no true theme without love.
- We have to learn to love the Africa in us if humanity is going to begin to know true happiness in this world.
- We love the America in us, the Europe in us, the Asia in us we are beginning to respect. Only the Africa in us is unloved, unseen, unappreciated.
- The first step towards the exoneration of humanity is making whole again all these great continents within us.
- We are the sum total of humanity.
- Every individual is all humanity.
- It is Africa’s time to smile
- That would be the loveliest gift of the 21st century, to make Africa smile again.
- Then humanity can begin to think about the universe, even the remote stars as its true home.

Ben Okri has been quiet a big influence in the Storymoja Hay festival. At the Bic tent for children, several portraits of the writer are on display.

Ben Okri, my new intellectual crush!

Ben Okri was Africa's most famous novelist and poet who won a Man Booker Prize for The Famished Road.  Being oblivious to the literary world and not much into poems, I didn't think of his visit to the Storymoja Hay Festival as big of a deal as everyone else, until I went to one of his readings.  I am now a total believer and fan! He is such a genius of beautiful words/brilliant sentences, sees life with such depth and openness, and has the courage to continuously pioneer a new frontier of thoughts in order to move the civilization forward.

Okri is fascinated with the many realities of humanity, the duality of life, this constant push and pull between form and spirits, and how one makes the most out of the constraint of form.  "Too much form means not enough spirit and too much spirit means not enough form".  In fact, human life itself illustrates such struggle.  We are all bound in our 6' x 2' form, our bodies, yet what's contained within our bodies are so much more!  Our spirit can expand in time and space and imagine what life is like hundreds of years ago or empathize with someone else from a different land and tradition.  We are constantly learning and trying to balance our spirits desire to expand with the practical constraint of our form.  Same duality can be seen in atoms with the opposing force of separating and attracting; that force is what makes up the world, and what makes the world interesting and beautiful.

The opening paragraph of The Famished Road reads beautifully..."In the beginning, there was a river. The river became a road and the road branched out to the whole world.  And because the road was once a river, it was always hungry"  River is water, water is fluid and full of possibilities, but it lacks form, you cannot control it.  Once it becomes the rigid road, it loses some of its original fluidity and creativity, however, the form brings other values by connecting people/traditions, enabling commerce...etc. Something is lost, but something is also gained from it.  I think this resembles human life as well...when we were first born into this world, we have many dreams, and it's limitless, we can fly around the world with Peter Pan or have a tea party with teddy bears...as we grow, we become more rigid as we "define" who we are, what we want, and start to pass quick judgement to things we think we know we don't like or don't want.  We take a more rigid form based on our tradition, language, and experiences.  This form allows us to focus, to add functional value to the world, to the economy, but it suffocate our ability to dream.  Because we once was able to dream without limit, we will always long for those dream and creativity after we have taken our forms. (just think, many of us working 8-5 jobs often doubt if this is it for our lives?  will we ever be able to do something more interesting?) The struggle and the beauty, I suppose, is in the "balance"...and in the balance we can find sanity and love and joy in life.  How to achieve such balance perhaps is the learning for our life times.

Another interesting way Ben Okri has explored this was by released a poem one sentence a day on Twitter earlier this year, with the word limits on Twitter, he is challenged to not waste any words and strive to have words work together so that each word end up express more than it could on its own.   Here was his poem, a great way to state a New Year resolution, isn't it?

O that abstract garden of being
Tells me to be brave, and clear,
In the fire of living,
And in the journey through the year.
So I will grow me like an oak tree
And make life’s honey like a bee.
Each day I will walk an interesting mile
And with the sun I’ll share a smile.
I will play again like a child,
And celebrate what’s wild.
I will swim in every sea or river,
And reflect the light of the sublime giver.
I will be at ease with opposition,
And will cultivate intuition.
I will walk the surprising streets,
And dance to life’s unexpected beats.
I will notice all the phases of the moon
And try not to act too late or too soon.
I will write something new every day
And look at paintings in an alternative way.
I’ll not dream the same way twice;
But I’ll not be shy to repeat what’s nice.
I’ll have the courage, when needed, to change;
And I won’t forget that life is strange.
And so I’ll learn to love the simple things
As well as the complexity that life brings.
Good or bad I’ll learn to treat the same
And I’ll not forget that it’s all a mysterious game.
I’ll not let that general fear of death run my life
Into the higher realms I will enter
O that abstract garden, make me clear,
Make me brave, without fear.
I intend to love this rich new year.

Another one of his twitter poems:

I sing a new freedom
I sing a new freedom
Freedom with discipline.
We need freedom to rise higher.
Be true to yourself
In the follies of our times.
Become what you are
In this era of economic crimes.
Only the free in spirit
Will find their way out of this maze.
We are children of the stars.
We ought to amaze.

...and my favourite one:
As clouds pass above our heads
So time passes through our lives.
Where does it go,
And when it passes,
What do we have to show?
We can plant deeds in time
As gardners plant roses.
We can plant thoughts, or good words too
Especially if they are noble and true.
Time is an act of consciousness:
One of the greatest forces
Of the material world.
We ought to use time
Like emperors of the mind:
Do magic things that the future,
Surprised, will find.
We could change our life today
And seek out a higher way.
The Buddha sat beneath a tree
And from all illusion became free.
And as we travel on this life that is a sea
We can glimpse eternity.
We can join that growing fight
To stop our world being plunged into night.
We can wake to the power of our voice
Change the world with the power of our choice.
But there is nothing we can do
If we don’t begin to think anew.
We are not much more than what we think;
In our minds we swim or sink.
If there is one secret I’d like to share
It’s that we are what we dream
Or what we fear.
So dream a good dream today
And keep it going in every way.
Let each moment of our life
Somehow help the good fight
Or help spread some light.
The wise say life is a dream;
And soon the dream is done.
But what you did in the dream
Is all that counts beneath the sun.
The dream is real, and the real is a dream
Each one of us is a powerful being.
Wake up to what you are,
You are a sun, you are a star.
Wake up to what you can be.
Search, search for a new destiny

• His BBC interview on the economic meltdown and his new book A Time for New Dreams
• Ben Okri Lines in potentis: while a bit mythical, deeply inspiring
• Ben Okri reads from his new book A Time for New Dreams
• Ben Okri reads selected poems
• Some interesting Ben Okri quotes to ponder:
• “We plan our lives according to a dream that came to us in our childhood, and we find that life alters our plans. And yet, at the end, from a rare height, we also see that our dream was our fate. It's just that providence had other ideas as to how we would get there. Destiny plans a different route, or turns the dream around, as if it were a riddle, and fulfills the dream in ways we couldn't have expected.”
• “Politics is the art of the possible; creativity is the art of the impossible."
• "Tolerance depends on the quality of imagination, the capacity to step out of your own world view into another...but you can only do that when you have respect for other world views and believe in the possibility of other validities"
• "Life demands constant openness"
• "Literature is a magic mirror that allows us to see ourselves much more clearly' and 'The writers job is to look deep, listen profoundly and write truthfully"

He says that poets are often weird people, they are like a wrecked ship...because they are not whole, they have the capability to let the world's spirit enter them and create works that serves as mirror to humanity.  This explains a lot, and I've now have a new found respect for artists and poets.