The one with the fairest skin pays the bill?!

I met up with some friends I met in Kibera last time I was here to catch up and to talk about potential work we could do in Kibera together.  Tamasha, a local nyama choma (grilled meat, Kenya's national dish) joint was suggested as the meeting place.  It was the same place we had gone together last time, so I thought that was the reason even though I had some doubt in terms of whether it would be too expensive for them to eat at.  It was very nice to see them, they even brought another friend whom I have not met before...nonetheless, it was good fun.  I started picking up some clues when one of the guy asked for my permission to get another beer...I said something along the line of "why do you need my permission to drink beer?" He looked like he got my "hint", apologized, and didn't order another beer.  Usually for nyama choma, you pick your meat, and pay, then they grill and bring the food to you afterwards.  So when the bill came, the same guy said to me, we need to pay before they bring the food, and it's gonna be 3500 Kenyan schilling (roughly $35).  For 4 big guys and myself, that's not a bad deal, but I was annoyed because it was clear to me at this point that they expected a free meal out of me, picked a nice place, and even brought a friend along for the ride!   Do I have ATM written on my forehead?  I can count with one hand the number of times that I asserted myself so strongly, and this would be one of those times.  I explained nicely but firmly that I did not realized that they expected me to pay for everyone, and normally, in the US, since they are the ones invited me and picked the place, I should be expecting them to pay for my meal!  I also said that I do not understand where that expectation even came from, who do they think I am?  To avoid getting too awkward, we just blamed this on "cultural misunderstanding" and moved on, I was told that I should be careful if I eat with other Africans, because I have fair skin, they would expect me to pay, which is something I have not heard til that day.  So what about the meal?  I was told that none of them brought any money with them, which I found hard to believe but didn't push further, so I said I only have 2000 ksh with me, I'm willing to contribute that much, but they need to sort out the rest so we don't get arrested since the meat has already been prepared... apparently the 2000 ksh technically can only cover the beer they drank and maybe a chicken, but after the 2 guys went back to kitchen and "sorted things out", we miraculously end up getting everything we ordered on the table, plus another round of beer!  We went on chatting and had a good time, and I was not interested to find out how they are able to get all the food ...

The funny thing is, I don't really think they are bad guys or being deliberately malicious with me because of this. Having grown up in the slum and needing to hustle around, they probably developed this "skill/habit" to "make the most" out of every situation; foreigners are easy targets, and I am a foreigner...why not ask or try to take advantage when the worst thing that could happen is a "no"...so, in a way, it was easy for me to not take it personally...I still believe that integrity and strong character are not something only the "haves" can afford, but I definitely think it's harder to maintain them when life is hard and you're living in survival mode.

Being a mzungu in Kenya has its advantages, people are extremely polite to you, and cut you a lot of slacks when you do something stupid.  However, being a mzungu also means everyone assumes you have money, and a good number of those people are looking to get a piece of it.  It's very interesting how Kenyans do not distinguish between the East Asian, Indian, or Arab mzungus from the Caucasian mzungus...in their mind, it's simple, if you have fair skin, you belong to the same group, even though the ones coming from China or Arab world likely will be much less wealthy than the Europeans and Americans.   So, it's been a difficult challenge to make people understand that I am not making big bucks in my time in Kenya, and I do not expect to be taken to fancy places and will in fact be happier going to the cheap local joints and have a meal for 200ksh!  Even after I've drilled into people's head that I want to live my life here as "Kenyan" as possible vs. being "segregated" in the nice expat circles, I am still uncertain if they truly understand what I mean.  Maybe it's such a novel concept it'll take awhile to sink in.

After all, this weird foreigner-African dynamic has been played out for many many years that it's been ingrained so deep in the social psyche, how can I expect my simple, logical explanation to change that deep rooted intuitive beliefs?  The politeness and many other interactions bear strange resemblance to the colonial master-servant dynamic.  During colonial time, Africans were forced to European domination, and now, after independence, mzungus still seem superior, if you go out, you notice this distinct separation between African and the expats in the same venue, and the expats are guaranteed better service than the locals.  This weird inferiority complex justifies, in a way, for people to take advantage of mzungus...a bit of a pay back, I suppose...Even weirder is that this behavior often is rewarded, as many White tourists and aid organizations comes in, and just spreading money perhaps subconsciously they "feel bad" for these people, or for the injustice their ancestors have done to Africa?!  Ironically, such behavior only reinforces the dependent relationship between Africans and mzungus.  Despite of the political independence, I really question if the continent has won the war of psychological and social independence from the foreigners.

Perhaps the most brilliant and most destructive strategy the colonial settlers employed was destroying the local culture.  The sad thing is that because there are no written records of African culture as it is mostly passed down through generations of story-telling, once it is destroyed, it is so hard, if not impossible, to get it back.  So, after independence, how does a tribe find its identity and wisdom when there's no mechanism to recover their lost culture?  How do people find their own voice when for generations, the only voice they know is one of submission and slavery?   When someone doesn't know who he is, don't have a concrete culture he can be grounded in, how can he truly be free?  how can he feel proud about himself and his heritage?  how can he not feel the lingering sense of inferiority and perhaps some resentment?