Finding my "Tribe"...

Part of being human is the search for an individual identity.   To me, this search of individual identity played a particularly large role in my human experience up to this point because my sense of identity was very much shaked up when I first moved from Taiwan to the US.  I remember when I was little, I was determined to practice criminal law one day so I can put away the criminals (well, I watched a lot of LA Laws back then, and the obsession never ended as I am hopelessly addicted to Law & Order: SVU), the path was clear, and my identity was straight-forward: a good study in school, Taiwanese girl, future district attorney.

However, once I moved to the US, all of that had to change.  Not everyone I met in US knew where Taiwan was, they get it confused with Thailand or just start talking to me about Korea cuz since we're from the same continent, we must be alike.  As I live longer in the US, relaxed my accents, got citizenship, and became "more American", explaining who I am and where I am from evolve from a simple world geography lesson into a drawn out account of where home is, and since my families live everywhere, that along is a loaded question to answer!  There was not one single word that I could just use to explain who I am in association to my "origin".  I am neither truly Asian (cuz I'm not really Asian enough compare to my friends back in Taiwan), nor truly American (cuz I'm not American enough compare to my friends who's lived here all their lives), and I had a hard time identifying with the "Asian-American" terminology.  To me, "Asian American" is a demographic, I will check that box on the census, but that captures so little of who I am that I cannot call it my identity.  I don't jump up and down with excitement when I see another "Asian-American" on the street of Paris...I jump up and down when I meet someone who think and act alike as me, whether she is Asian or not.

Over the years, I find myself picking up a lot of different identities, brand manager, MBA, avid world traveler, foodie...etc., but still, none of them alone can truly describe me...Instead of letting where "home" is define me, I started looking at my life's journey, and trying to let that defined me, but that is a cumbersome problem, especially when you make introductions. I found that in this fast-paced world, things often need to be communicated in 30-second bite size chunks or it loses people's attention very quickly.  I also felt that many people, who had much simpler background, had a need for a label so they can simplify and quickly understand who I am, and I was struggling to come up with that.

As I continue to grow as a person, my curiosity about the world led me to seek out a wide range of experiences, and since I have an insatiable appetite for random and often bizarre things, each experience further jolted my already pretty shaky sense of identity.  I began to meet people from extreme poverty and extreme wealth, from extreme spirituality to extreme practicality, I started mapping myself on a variety of spectrum of all these opposing qualities (e.g. socio-economic, intellectual, spiritual...etc.), and my identify became a composite of various dots on these spectrums, kind of like the sound setting on a music equalizer, the theme "Arlin" reads, 50% wealthy/poor, 70% global minded...etc.  But, I still sort of crave a label, or a group where I can point to and say, THAT is where I belong. I long for a "home base", a safe haven that I could occasionally venture out from and stretch my identify, but a place that I will eventually return back to. So, the search continues...

I found out about the concept of a "tribe" not too long ago from a lady I met in Minneapolis.  We are 20 years of age apart, but hit it off right away after our first meeting at an Ashoka conference.  It felt like we're from the same tribe despite of all our background differences. A tribe, "is not simply a group of people…its a group of people that share common interests and experiences while showing genuine interest and care for the members of the tribe."  A tribe, is a group of people who brings out your true potential without you even realizing it's there.  The tribal member is as happy providing bits of useful technical information as he is sending a note checking up on you after hearing you're not well. It's the connection and the relationship that links tribal member together.

I find the beauty in the concept of a tribe is that it is something that can be sought after and chosen, thus "everyone" has the opportunity to find his/her own tribe despite of what he/she is born with.  Whether you are from a broken family or a loving one, whether you were an ex-convict or Wall Street banker, there is a tribe for you (well, hopefully a legal one, in the case of the convict).  There's a beautiful equality that comes with this idea that is so uplifting.

Perhaps one's identity isn't defined by a "home", a journey, or a cocktail of adjectives.  Perhaps one's identity ought to be defined by the type of people who you feel most connected to - your tribe.

So the search continues, but in the short period of time I've been in Nairobi, I feel that I am getting closer.  I have had the good fortune to have this rare experience where 100% of the people I met I feel completely comfortable with and free to speak my mind without censoring myself even a little bit.  The occasional silence in the conversation doesn't feel awkward anymore, and there isn't this unspoken tension of competitiveness.  Words are spoken from a place of curiosity, passion, and genuine desire to create something bigger and better.  Is this just the honeymoon period? or is this my tribe?  I don't know what the right criteria are to answer this question, but I am excited to find out!

Some interesting/related TED talks:

• Seth Godin on the Tribes we lead

• David Logan on Tribal leadership

• Ken Robinson's book "The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything"  mentions...“Finding your tribe can have transformative effects on your sense of identity and purpose. This is because of three powerful tribal dynamics: validation, inspiration, and what we’ll call here the ‘alchemy of synergy.' Tribe membership “helps people become more themselves, leading them toward a greater sense of personal identity.”  Leadershipnow blog summarizes it as the below:
• Validation: It’s not just me. Although you may be most in your element when you are working alone, “there’s a tacit awareness of a field – the other writers, other painters, other mathematicians, other players, who enrich the domain and challenge their sense of possibility.” Physicist John wheeler said, “If you don’t kick things around with people, you are out of it. Nobody, I always say, can be anybody without somebody being around.”
• Inspiration: How do they do that? “Members of a passionate community tend to drive each other to explore the real extent of their talents…. Tribes are circles of influence, and they can take many forms…. When tribes gather in the same place, the opportunities for mutual inspiration can become intense.”
• Alchemy of synergy: The power of tribes is exemplified in the synergy created when groups of people with similar interests come together and create something much greater than any one of them could create individually. Robinson attributes this to the fact that creative teams are diverse, dynamic and distinct or purposeful.